You are the lead actor in one of the highest grossing movies of all time
You are one of the highest paid young actors in the biz
You have been on the cover of almost every magazine
You are one of the most saught after men in the world
People Magazine called you the Sexiest Vamp of the Year
YA THINK YA MIGHT WANNA' SPLURGE
FOR A NEW JACKET???
FOR A NEW JACKET???
We can live with the Franken Pants! We can live with the Franken Stoli Shirt!
But you didn't even try to do a FRANKEN SLEEVE on the jacket!
The jacket that you chose to wear on NATIONAL TELEVISION!
Although we think it's uber adorkable that you are thrifty to the point of sewing your own clothes,
we are pretty sure it's time to invest in some new ones!
Let's start with a new jacket. Check this out...
RustyZipper.com has this super cool, vintage, Memebers Only Jacket
We must admit, Members Only isn't necessarily our first choice of jackets for you to wear.
But it seems to be your favorite style preference and we realize the need to move into change slowly...
Baby steps, Rob! Baby steps.
We understand that flashy and pretentious isn't your thing, but look at it this way, you can buy this jacket for a mere $48 and still have $9,999,951 left from your New Moon paycheck. That's cool, right?
I"ll tell you what, just for being a good sport about this, and because we know buying new clothes is such a difficult concept for you to grasp, I will even pay the taxes and shipping.
Total win all around!
Once we get over the hurdle of replacing old, torn clothes with new ones, we will test the waters in the luggage department. Your moms 1974 yellow canvas tote...maybe not the best thing to be carrying through a paparazzi filled airport...but that's a discussion for another day.
Here are a few rules to help during this transition:
1. Do not EVER borrow TomStu's hideous clothes again. Just because it says "Rolling Stones", that doesn't make it cool.
2. The buttonfly's have a free pass from the "replace when torn" rule. Because those fuckers are hot and need to remain in your wardrobe until they every damn thread disintegrates. Furthermore, if and when the crotch rip's on those buttonfly's the "Ripped Crotch Rule" applies. That rules states that you must wear them three times more often.
3. The "Ripped Crotch Rule" also stipulates that franken thread should NEVER touch a rip in the crotch of ANY of your pants. They just need to be worn as is. And underwear is optional.
Thanks so much to my bestie Bostongirl for pointing out the HUGE rip in that jacket that I total missed. I was way to focused on him finger fucking that beautiful hair. I love ya' bestie for helping me write this VERY IMPORTANT blog post too! Hugs & Loves!