An Unhealthy Addiction has New Affiliates

Welcome New Affiliates!

Most of you are more than aware of the fact that I am totally TECH FAIL and that I am basically just fumbling may way through the learning curve of blogging!

Imagine my surprise when a couple of KICKASS fansites asked me if I wanted to be an affiliate! Hell yeah, I want to be an affiliate...oh wait...shit...I don't know how to add affiliates to my blog page! WTF?? Being tech fail is such a pain in the ass.

But low and behold, a little trip down Google Lane and I figured it out. Hot damn!

Without further ado allow me to introduce my new affiliates:

The Vampire Diaries Fansite

Fornication Station

Please go check them out, let them know how great their sites are and share the love by telling your friends!

The "Unhealthy" Moral of the Story: Even a no talent, tech fail blogger bitch like me can it make with good *friends on her side!

*Special thanks to my twitter BTFF's @Bostongirl1212 and @Eclipseisbest for pimping my blog to your mass followers. I heart you both and wish you many unicorns and kitty licks!

The Friday Fail : Fanfic Contortionism

As I'm sure you all know...I love me some hot, steamy Twi fanfic! If you have any doubt about how much I love this shit...just check out this previous post: Help! I'm Addicted to Fanfic!

But recently, while reading some of my fav fanfics, which shall remain nameless, I noticed that some of the lemony smut just doesn't exactly measure up. I'm not saying they aren't melt in your mouth hot and sticky because they always are. And I'm sure as hell not referring to the constant hard on that Edward is tortured with through almost every story...because we know that his anaconda MORE than measures up. I'm talking about the PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE kind of measure up.

Will someone please explain to me how Bella can be laying on her stomach, with Edward laying on top of her, with his big...hard...throbbing...twitching...mouthwatering...lickable...moan inducing (oops, sorry I got caught up...hold on just a sec while I wipe the drool off my chin)......cock pressed against her ass and then while nibbling her neck, he raises HER leg, placing it over HIS shoulder so he can rub her clit with one hand, while at the same time he's rubbing her perky tit with the other hand and tangling his fingers in her hair while facing her and staring into her eyes ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME..WTF?!?!

Did I miss the page in the Twi Saga books where Steph wrote that Edward had three arms or where Bella was a circus performing contortionist??

Seriously! Explain to me how in the hell he can pick her up, press her against the wall with his warm body, eat her out and whisper dirty shit in her ear all at once?? C'mon now...I've seen some freaky porn with some ridiculously flexible bitches in my life but it ain't happening folks! Sorry!

Far be it from me to judge anyone's preference for freaky positions. There isn't one of us out there, including myself, that doesn't have some kinky favorite that's just "spot on"...if you know what I mean. But be real people...some of that fanfic freakiness just ain't ever gonna' happen in real life!

So, how do we continue to enjoy our fanfic while trying to get passed the ridiculousness of the impossible porn? Please...we could care less if it's possible or not. We love that shit so much and we'll read it, love it, brag about it, break our necks trying it in our own beds and beg their asses for more of it.

I love fanfic writers! They rock my world and I don't even want to think about the horrid detox I'd have to go through if they all stopped writing today but they really should re-read those lemons before posting!

The "Unhealthy" Moral of the Story: If you can lie on your stomach with a sexy man laying on top of you and then lift your leg up on his shoulder...please send me a pic...because I gotta' see that shit!

Mama Don't Know Twilight

When I was a little girl my Mama taught me right from wrong.

Then one day my eyes opened to the wonderful world of "Twilight". I suddenly realized my Mama didn't know what the hell she talking about? 

                                     

MAMA SAID: DON'T BITE!

I SAY: BITE ME! PLEASE, BITE ME!!

 

MAMA SAID: DONT PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD

I SAY: PLAY WITH ME THEN EAT ME =

            GOOD FOREPLAY

MAMA SAID: DON'T RUN ON THE SIDEWALK

I SAY: THE FASTER I GET TO HIM
            THE FASTER I CAN LICK HIM

MAMA SAID: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL


I SAY: MAMA, ARE YOU FRICKIN' BLIND?!

Apparently, my Mama never met Rob!

The "Unhealthy" Moral of the Story: What Mama don't know...makes me a happy, happy girl!

A Morning Quicky

Here's a morning quicky to get your lips wet and to keep ya' thinking about me through the day!

...because I do love a quicky in the morning

Help! I'm Addicted to Fanfic!

"Hello. My name is Krysti and I am a fanfic-aholic!"

A few weeks ago, I was chillin' on Twitter, chattin' up a few tweeps and I started seeing all of these tweets about "fanfic". Fanfic? WTF is fanfic? I lurked around a little and found out that fanfics are stories written by fans using the Twi characters. (Ok, I'm a little slow...but I'm new to this fandom shit!)

To be totally honest, my first thought was..."Whatev, ya' losers! Somebody needs to get life! Why in the hell would you want to re-write Twilight?" (WAIT! HOLD ON! Don't send me hate mail yet....keep reading. This is going to be good!)

So, the more I lurked around, the more I started to realize how many tweeple were actually reading these fanfics. People were gushing over how freakin' awesome these things were and they were "dying" for "updates". Now I was really intrigued!

A couple days later I see a "fanfic" tweet from one of the Twitter gals I follow. I decided to casually ask her about it to try to get some more deets without committing to the idea just yet.

My Tweet: @Bostonsgirl1212 Hey I heard that some of the fanfics are pretty good. Thinking about reading one. Suggestions?

From @Bostongirl1212: @Krystih YES! Your first fanfic should be Wide Awake by Angstgoddess003! You will love it!

With much skepticism, anticipation and bated breath, my fanfic cherry was popped at 8:30pm that night. I was lost in fanfic ecstasy until 2:30am that morning. That was it...I WAS HOOKED! Over the next three days it was like a Twilight addiction relapse. I didn't want to do anything but read Wide Awake. I was on a full blown binger! I couldn't get enough of it.

It almost felt like being reunited with a long lost lover but even better because this definitely wasn't your 12 year old daughters Bella and Edward. Edward isn't even vampire in this story. He was now a sexy, badass, leather jacket wearing,  F-bomb dropping, sex magnet! Bella was a head f*cked, cookie baking, emotional basket case with a fear of men after being tortured by...get this....PHIL! WTF?

DON'T MISS TATTWARD...AFTER THE JUMP>>>>