Saturday, July 2, 2011

Who Gets the Role? Kellan or Rob?

While most of you were preparing for your 4th of July weekend celebrations or recovering from your Canada Day celebrations, Bostongirl1212 and I were sitting at home chatting on the phone.
Exciting bunch aren't we?

Well, as per usual, our innocent convo took a crazy ass turn...  Somehow we got on the subject of Rob.

We started asking the question.... Is it possible that who we IMAGINE Rob to be in real life is actually more of a fanfic induced fantasy and not the real Rob at all. 

Is the Rob we love just a MYTH?

Is he more fantasy than reality? Is the Rob we love just someone that's created by imagination, photo shoots and red carpet premiers... just a studio version?

What about every day Rob? Would he live up to our fantasy world? If we were going to cast the role of any one of our FanFicWards... would every day Rob fit the mold?

Then we started as, if not Rob, then who would we cast in the role of our FanFicWards?

This is where Kellan Lutz came into our convo. That man is walking, talking, oozing sex magnet on legs. But would he fit the bill in fantasy vs. reality? Is he the man dreams and fanfic are made of?

 When Rob is this...
He is our Fifty Shades, our Beautiful Bastard, our MafiaPrinceWard, and every other broken, fuckhawt, gonna' sacrifice anything and everything we must, just to get a piece of him, Edward Cullen! But is it just that? A spotlight moment? A facade created to make us believe the MYTH... the FANTASY??

What about the every day man? What about when the spotlight's not on?

If we had to pick one of these every day men to star in our fanfics... who would really play that role? Kellan or Rob? Most of us would immediately say Rob but I think we might be wrong.

Let's do a little comparing shall we?

Kellan working out at the gym...

Rob working out at the gym...
We would have used another pic but honestly there just isn't any other pics of Rob at the gym. The treadmill pics are too blurry and this is the only other time we could find Rob actually breaking a sweat.

So in comparison, if you had to pick one of those to be your Edward... let's say PunkAssWard from A Pound of Flesh by @sophiejax, heading to the gym to get in a good workout with Alec... who would you visualize?

FanficWard at the gym...

We've all read many fics where Edward wanders around the house in his boxer briefs, right? Well, if we had to pick an every day man for that role? Would it be Rob or Kellan?

Kellan in his undies....

Rob in his undies...
Maybe it was cold in Brazil that day? You can't blame a guy for shrinkage if it's cold, right?
Oh, it was 80 degrees? Hmm? Oh well... ahem... moving on!

So, again... if you were going to pick one of these to be your FanficWard...
which would you pick?

What about our bronzed bod, Surfward fantasy? If we were casting the role for @Suzie55's Welcome to Paradise, who would get the role?

Here's a preview of Kellan's beach bod...

And a peek at Rob's little beach bum...

Whose board would you rather ride? Who is your FanficWard? Rob or Kellan?

You can't discuss FanficWard without taking a moment to discuss the... uh PACKAGE!

Does size matter?
In fanfic it sure the hell does.

 Hell, in some fics we've read, Edward can be doing Bella from behind, with one leg on the coffee table, one leg across the back of the couch, flip her over, get up and grab a beer, look around for his cigarettes, turn off the lights, come back to bed... and all the while HIS DICK NEVER LEAVES HER!!

Now, c'mon... you got be packin' some serious SIZE for that!
So, what'll it be girls? Who gets the role Kellan or Rob?

Kellan's package audition.... I had to post two pics because this is just impressive!

Rob's package audition...

While Rob's package is quite impressive in this pic, it has been the subject of many debates. Manip or not? There is another peen pic where he's in khaki's, I'm sure we're all familiar with it, right? But again... it's plagued with manip rumors too. Hmm? I think prefer my peens not be plagued... with anything.

Well, who gets FanficWard package honors?? Who fulfills your fantasy?

 I must have missed the fic where Edward's peen was so small it kept slipping out while he was banging her. Have you read that one? Yeah, I didn't think so!

Even though Rob will always be our Edward, and he will always have those spotlight moments that melts the panties right off our little booties...

 We have to admit...

Rob doesn't go to the gym so he doesn't have those rock hard abs we fantasize our Edward's to have.
The underwear modeling world isn't exactly beating down Rob's door begging him to fill their tighty whities.
It's obvious why Rob would rather sit in a pub drinking beer and plucking a guitar than learning how to surf.
Rob's package has spotlight moments, but the jury is still out on whether it's a case of fact or fiction.

So, where does that leave us.

Kellan will always have a great body and HUGE... dimples!
 And Rob may never have those pecks or that peen...

But Rob does have that fistable sex hair, the most beautiful green/gold/black eyes we've ever lost ourselves in. Rob will always have those sweet, red, lickable lips and the swooniest smirk in the world. 

So, what's our conclusion? There's only one answer.
As far as fanfic goes... our FanficWard's are all just a bunch of

Thank you to my bff Bostongirl for helping me find all these pics and for laughing your ass off with me all afternoon. SpecialEdWard and KellanWard Cock was such a blast today! Hugs!

 Pic Source: Manips stolen from Lolypops82 Blog and Robmaniporn Blog

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Breaking Dawn Calendar - Bouffants, Constipation, and Other F*ckery

Hey ya'll! I haven't had a chance to blog much lately. I've been super busy.

Ok, that's a lie. The truth is, when I'm not working or being football mom, I'm reading Emancipation Proclamation by Kharrazmatik. If you haven't read it you need to... like NOW! It's THE best fanfic I have ever read.

Another reason I haven't blogged lately, I just haven't had much to say.

You know what they say... "if you don't have anything nice to say... join a robsten or nonsten thread!" Hahaha!! I'm just kidding.

Please don't leave me shitty comments, it was just a joke. ;-p


A certain piece of fuckery was released this week and it bugged me enough to drag my ass to the blog today. I couldn't let it go... I just have to bitch about this.

Seriously, what is this...

It's just wrong on so many levels.

The first time I saw it, all I could hear was Chester Cheetah screaming "It ain't easy bein' cheesy!" in the back of my head. 

Honestly, when I saw this picture, I didn't even realize it was the calendar. I actually thought it was an ad for a new "Twilight Saga in Wax" display for Madame Tussuad's. For a minute, I thought they were actually going to have one that finally looked like Rob. I was wrong.  

The entire picture is just bad, really bad. Why does it look like the cover of a corny romance novel? And it looks so fake, animated almost. I know I'm tech-tarded, but I can't tell if this is a bad digitally enhanced photoshop or did someone just go airbrush crazy with the real photo?

Even if some art department flunky got a little carried away and let their creative juices flow a bit too freely... what executive putz looked at this and said. *insert deep voice* "Oh, that looks great, lets go with it"?

Whoever it was, needs to find their ass in the unemployment line... or back at Harlequin where they came from.

Ok, let's really take a look... shall we?

Exhibit A - Why does Edward look constipated? I can't decide if this is digital fuckery or if this is a result of Rob actually being constipated when they did the shoot. Too many cheeseburgers, maybe? I mean, too much cheese can back up the plumbing? Maybe Edward should add a fiber supplement to his diet of deer and mountain lion...? And who punched him in the face and flattened his nose?

Exhibit B - Why does Bella have a bouffant? I thought that was Twilight Edward's thing? She looks like Loretta Lynn circa 1960. She is the Police Chief's daughter not the Coal Miners daughter. And further more, why is Bella's hair the exact same color as Edward's? Is this a side effect of be bitten by him, or maybe a result of too much Eddie vamp jizz? After so many headboard busting sessions your hair suddenly turns bronze or what? If that's the case, sign me up... I'm totally willing to rock the bronze locks.

Exhibit C - Can someone tell me why Edward looks emaciated? Look at how thin his arms appear to be. His chest looks completely sunken in. It's practically concave. Edward is supposed to be marble. Hard as a rock (hehehe! Sorry but Edward and hard in the same sentence make me think naughty things... still wishing for the bronze hair!) Anyway, Edward is supposed to be chiseled. No?

I'm sure it doesn't help that he is slouching. Maybe they couldn't find a step stool that was tall enough for Taylor so they were like, "Hey Rob, can you slouch a little so we can make this kid that's 4'2" look like he's 6'2'? Mmm kay Thanks!"

Exhibit D- I know Jacob is supposed to be buff and all, but seriously? His bicep is just ridiculous, completely unproportioned to the rest of his body. And is that supposed to be a vein or something? FYI ... when veins are popping out of your arms like that, it's often a sign that your muscles were "artificiallly enhanced". Lay off the juice, Jake! It will make your balls shrink up!

Exhibit E- Wait a minute, does the kid have man boobs? The way Taylor's chest is jutted out, sort of reminds me of one of those Looney Toons cartoons, where the character puffs out their chest really big, and then cinches his belt really tight, "trying" to look big and tough. Actually, I'm more shocked that he is wearing a shirt at all.

Exhibit F - And when did Bella get a boob job? Or did I just miss the part in the book where Bella had a D cup? If that was the case, I doubt Edward would have stopped at the leg hitch in Eclipse!  

I was going to let this go at Exhibit F but I have to mention this as well... Why are they all wearing the same shade of lipstick? After watching the hospital scene in Twilight a hundred thousand times, I guess I should be used to Edward's fondness of lovely lip color, but come on. These movies have made a bazillion bucks...they can't afford to give them each their own shade? *insert eye roll*

I admit, I am a total BD leak hoor. I have seen every leaked pic and every leaked video. That Edward thrusting video... WOW...holy mutha' of busted headboards...! Then Summit released the OFFICIAL trailer and I was happy as a little freakin' lark, counting down the days to November.

For brief moment, I was actually convinced that when people see this movie, they would finally understand why we live for this crap. Why we love this man! I was actually ready to bust out my Team Edward shirt in public... other than just at midnight showings.

(I'm praying that they leave all that hot sex in the movie... I doubt they will, but this hoor is keeping the faith.)

BUT THEN, just when I think we're on the right track, Summit releases this calendar fuckery and I'm dejectedly crawling back to my closet, embarrassed that people know I'm a Twihard. Dammit!

C'mon Summit, you can do better than this. Help us be proud to love Twilight! *sigh*